Today's blog and an additional upcoming post focus on divorce through the eyes of a child. We all know that, as emotionally laden as the divorce process can be for the involved spouses, it can be far more stressful and confusing to the children of a marriage, whether they are toddlers or teenagers.

Every divorce is different, of course, and, collectively, American divorces run the gamut as concerns uncertainty, anger, frustration and other issues. For some families, a divorce is relatively painless; for others, it is marked by acute sadness and anxiety.

Thus, it is hard to render any universally applicable advice. Still, divorce experts commonly recommend that a similar approach be taken regarding the feelings and needs of children during the divorce process and afterwards.

That approach stresses, foremost, civility and honesty. Kids often perceive things that their parents don't think they see or understand. At the heart of that is their ability to know what constitutes "normal" and healthy family behavior. Sudden and excessive politeness between the parents when, customarily, they do occasionally bicker, is noticed; so, too, is an onslaught of overt conflict between parents who don't usually behave aggressively toward each other.

The point: Conflict is a major source of stress for children, and parents need to note that and, when necessary, discuss the topic openly. That sense of candor needs to also be extended to discussion generally about the divorce, with one theme centrally cited and reiterated: The breakup is not the fault of the child. Kids often feel that they did something wrong and are to blame for family dissension. Parents need to address and eliminate this concern.

Our next blog will discuss specific coping mechanisms that help children transition in a healthy way through the divorce process.

Related Resource: www.kidshealth.org "Helping Your Child Through a Divorce"