Pennsylvania Divorce Law Blog

Today's blog and an additional upcoming post focus on divorce through the eyes of a child. We all know that, as emotionally laden as the divorce process can be for the involved spouses, it can be far more stressful and confusing to the children of a marriage, whether they are toddlers or teenagers.

Every divorce is different, of course, and, collectively, American divorces run the gamut as concerns uncertainty, anger, frustration and other issues. For some families, a divorce is relatively painless; for others, it is marked by acute sadness and anxiety.

Thus, it is hard to render any universally applicable advice. Still, divorce experts commonly recommend that a similar approach be taken regarding the feelings and needs of children during the divorce process and afterwards.

"How much does a divorce cost?" That, of course, is a question asked a lot in the United States, and both  those who practice and research divorce law frequently respond, "It depends."

That answer is necessarily couched in many cases, given the number of disparate factors that can feature in any given divorce. As example, a divorce might be somewhat  civil, or, then again, extremely contentious, maybe even combative to the point that both parties aren't even rational anymore and are willing to burn bridges - financial and otherwise - just to hurt the other side.

Perhaps children are involved; maybe they aren't. Joint debt could be an issue; perhaps, though, there are no liabilities at all. Is there a family business to divide or bicker over? How about other assets?

There are many married couples who, for reasons manifest to others, would seem to be better off if they got a divorce. Outwardly, they look as though they have absolutely nothing in common. Perhaps they pick at each other incessantly. Or maybe they alternate vacations, always separate, never together - but ultimately bonded in marriage under the same roof.

Why do some people continue to stay married when it seems so logical from an outside perspective that they would be more creative, more independent - basically, happier - divorced?

That is a question for the "un-divorce" experts, who, while commonly citing the many and diverse reasons why apparently mismatched people stay married, are divided on whether that is healthy in most cases.

It's almost as though New York was the last state to secede and has now returned to the Union. The state's governor, David Paterson, has just signed a bill that makes no-fault divorce legal in New York. The bill's passage eliminates New York's singular status as the only state in the country without no-fault divorce.

Prior to the law's passage, New York had always been marching to a different drummer when it came to divorce. In fact, the only acceptable ground for divorce was adultery until 1966. Subsequent reform enabled a couple to get an uncontested divorce, but only after living separately for a year and agreeing to settlement terms.

For couples with disagreements, though, a contested divorce was the only option, and that required a finding of fault and, often, a trial.

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that about half of all marriages end in divorce. In considering the primary reasons for this, most people perhaps think of falling out of love within the first few years of a marriage; of differences concerning starting a family; of problems arising from job or social issues; of money difficulties.

That is not typically the case, however, for a group often forgotten in the calculation, namely, divorcing baby boomers. These people - ranging from their mid 50s to mid 60s - have for the most part hung on well beyond those first few years. Their children are already grown, with most of them out of the house and on their own. They are likely to be established in their careers or already retired from their jobs. Money is usually less of a concern than it is for younger divorcing couples.

Each party to a divorce proceeding is often like a child surveying the immediately surrounding world. There is seemingly so much at stake right now, with problems, needs, emotions and hoped-for solutions related to what is topical and at issue presently.

Parties to a divorce are often hyped up emotionally and simply want to tie up loose ends fast, hopefully in an affordable divorce, and move forward. Many soon-to-be ex-spouses do not spend much time considering the future when planning for their divorce.

That is a mistake, say many marriage experts and divorce attorneys. One financial planner, Van Sievers, notes that focusing predominantly - if not solely - on immediate financial concerns is an act of tunnel vision; of greater importance is addressing the long-term financial consequences of divorce.

It is a truism that every involved party - mom, dad and kids - is affected by divorce and that each divorce matter has a unique set of circumstances. Notwithstanding this fact, though, it is well demonstrated statistically that, as far as finances are concerned, women suffer more often than men do following a divorce.

The reasons for this are various, but can be traced in a majority of instances to an outcome related directly to the child-care duties most often assumed by women in the home, namely, a corresponding inability to spend as much time as males do in the workforce.  The results of this disparity are obvious: less of an opportunity to make money, less continuing training, fewer networking opportunities, a resume filled with gaps.

Researchers from several universities recently completed a study in which they examined the divorce rates of couples having autistic children compared to "control" families without autistic children. The results are both predictable and, in the researchers' estimation, somewhat surprising.

It is often assumed that families having a child with an autism spectrum disorder ("ASD") remain intact less often than families that do not have an autistic child. It is also a given for many people that divorce most often occurs when children are still relatively young, the idea being that, as they grow older, the stresses associated with their heightened wants and needs during adolescence and the teen years have dissipated.